Marital Communication Tool - Lift Lines

Lift Lines- Questions to take your marriage to higher levels

by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg

Just as ski slopes progress from bunny hills to black diamonds, so conversation starters in marriage range from simple to sizzling. But with greater risk comes greater adventure. So hit the "slopes" with these questions on your next date and watch your relationship take off!

Level 1: Put on those skis

·         What's your favorite hobby?

·         Tell me about the best vacation you ever had.

·         If you won an all-expense-paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you go?

·         When do you feel most glad that you married me?

·         What's the best compliment I could give you?

·         How do you like to be pampered?

·         What are your favorite hymns or choruses? Why are they your favorites?

·         What one question do you want God to answer?

·         What new Thanksgiving or Christmas tradition would you like to start this year?

·         Who are your heroes or people you've looked up to over the years?

·         What really gets on your nerves?

·         Do I touch you enough? In what ways would you like me to physically show my love for you in public?

·         What stresses have you been feeling the last few months?

·         Did your parents pray for you? What did that mean to you?

Level 2: The bunny hill

·         Do you feel that I spend enough of my free time with you? What things cut into our time together?

·         What do you enjoy most about your life? What would you like to change?

·         Describe two of your favorite memories of things we've done together.

·         What types of little gifts would go a long way toward showing you how much I love you?

·         Do you think you spend most of your time doing what you're well suited to do? If not, what needs to change? What would you most enjoy doing on a daily basis?

·         What do you think your spiritual gifts are? How can you work at developing them? How can I help?

·         Tell me again how you became a Christian.

·         What helps you grow closer to Christ? What things interfere with that process?

·         If you could meet anyone in the Bible, whom would it be? Why? What would you ask?

·         How well did your parents communicate?

·         Do I say "I love you" enough? If not, how often should I say it? When?

Level 3: Intermediate slope

·         When you were a teenager, how important to you was being popular?

·         Describe some dream accomplishments for yourself at ages 40, 60, 80.

·         If we were to read a book together, what kind would it be? Why? Should we make that happen?

·         Do you ever feel that I'm critical of you? How can I avoid that?

·         When was the last time you cried? Why?

·         What one thing that I do for you makes you feel truly loved?

·         What are you learning in your times alone with God?

·         What do you think it means to be "called" by God to do something? Have you ever felt that calling?

·         At what times do you feel overwhelmed? What can I do to help?

·         Do I ever give you the silent treatment? If so, how does that make you feel?

·         When we have an argument, does it seem as though I'm really listening to what you say? Or am I more interested in what I have to say?

·         Do you ever sense that I put conditions on my love for you? If so, what are the conditions you feel I place on you?

Level 4: Rough terrain ahead

·         Describe three ways we can enjoy each other more.

·         In what ways do you look forward to growing old together?

·         How can I be a better friend to you?

·         When you try something and fail, how should I respond?

·         What gives you the motivation to get up in the morning?

·         In what areas of your life do you feel most insecure? What can I do to encourage you?

·         What can I do to help you bring out your natural talents and abilities?

·         Are you satisfied with the time we spend together reading the Bible and praying? What can we do together to meet each other's needs in this area?

·         Do you ever have doubts about God's character? About the Bible? How do those doubts affect you?

·         How are we doing in terms of resolving our conflicts? What can we do better?

·         What do you think "marital intimacy" means?

·         In what three ways can I become a better listener?

·         When are times when you especially need my love?

·         Is there any emotional baggage we've brought into this marriage that needs to be unpacked? Would that require professional help, or can we handle it ourselves? In what ways can I help in this process?

Level 5: For experts only

·         What do you think prevents couples from becoming (or staying) best friends?

·         Do you trust me? If not, why not? What can I do to help you trust me more?

·         How can we affair-proof our marriage?

·         Is there anything about life in general or our current circumstances that discourages or disappoints you? What can I do to help turn that around?

·         What are some ways I can help you reach your full potential?

·         In what ways am I encouraging you in your spiritual walk with God? What else could I do?

·         How can we improve our prayer life together? Individually?

·         Do you think we're honoring God in the way we spend, give, and save our money? How could we do better?

·         What things can we do to help our children grow in their faith?

·         Do you ever feel I'm more "at one" with my job, the kids, or a hobby than I am with you? What makes you feel this way? How can I be more "at one" with you?

·         Have I ever broken your heart? If so, when? How could I have handled that situation differently? What can I do to heal that situation?

A Father to Son “Bucket List” aka What do Lowell Bennion, Will Smith and LJ Sikahema have in common?

A Father to Son “Bucket List”.
A.K.A. What do Lowell Bennion, Will Smith & LJ Sikahema have in common?

Although I like the movie ‘The Shining’, I am probably in the minority saying that I'm not a big Jack Nicholson fan. So I never paid much attention to his 2007 film ‘The Bucket List’. However, I am intrigued with the premise of having a list of things one wishes to do and/or places to visit before “kicking the bucket”.

I can’t think of the phrase “kick the bucket” without remembering the 1963 comedy ‘It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World’. My wife always rolls her eyes when I stop on this movie whenever I come across it while TV grazing with the remote in my hand. I have vivid memories of watching this movie in the old Arvada Cinema while a boy growing up in the Denver, Colorado suburb. My mom would drop us off regularly for the Saturday matinee after a quick stop at the drug store to pack our pockets full of Sweet Tarts, a roll of Neccos and a Big Hunk. I was too young to have seen it in ’63, so it must have been re-released years later, probably as the second bill of a double feature. Remember those?

This slapstick comedy about a hidden treasure and a road rally that ensues had a large ensemble cast including Spencer Tracy, Ethel Merman, Jonathan Winters and Peter Faulk to name but a few. In one scene Jimmy Durante dies while leaving a clue. As he expels his final breath he literally “kicks the bucket” that appears at his feet. I don’t know why I thought that was so funny but I have remembered it all these years.

ANYWAY- While looking through my well worn Franklin Day Planner the other day, I came across a copy of what I have referred to as a father to son “Bucket List” of values attributed to Lowell Bennion. Brother Bennion was a Ph.D. and well known educator at the University of Utah. Bennion founded the Institute of Religion at the U, the Teton Valley Boys Ranch and the first food bank and homeless shelters in Utah.

He wrote the following counsel to his sons. A copy was given to me by a member of our stake presidency while Jennifer and I attended a married student ward at the U of U. It’s purpose and simplicity are incredible.

To My Sons by Lowell Bennion
Learn to like what doesn’t cost much

Learn to like reading, conversation and music
Learn to like plain food, plain service and plain cooking
Learn to like fields, trees, brooks, hiking, rowing and climbing hills
Learn to like people even though some of them may be different, different from you
Learn to like work and enjoy the satisfaction of doing your job as well as it can be done
Learn to like the song of birds and the companionship of dogs
Learn to like gardening, puttering around the home and fixing things
Learn to like the sunrise and sunset, the beating of rain on the roof and windows and the gentle fall of snow on a winter day
Learn to keep your wants simple and refuse to be controlled by the likes and dislikes of others.

I appreciate and commend other talented and sensitive fathers who have penned similar counsel to their sons. I remember back in 1997 when Will Smith sampled an earlier R&B love song by Bill Withers and Grover Washington Jr. titled, ‘Just the Two of Us’. Will replaced the love song theme with the relationship between him and his newly born son Trey.

Just the Two of Us by Will Smith-
“Throughout life people will make you mad
Disrespect you and treat you bad
Let God deal with the things they do
Cause hate in your heart will consume you too
Always tell the truth, say your prayers
Hold doors, pull out chairs, easy on the swears
You're living proof that dreams do come true
I love you and I'm here for you”
Easy on the swears, gotta love that one.

One of my favorite BYU football players of all time is Vai Sikahema. Not only was he fast, he was tough. I remember him claiming that his goal in football was to never signal for a fair catch as a kick and punt returner. Seriously, that takes guts! He was the first Tongan to ever play in the NFL and after 7 seasons he remained in Philadelphia as a successful sportscaster, church leader and father. I eagerly look forward to his “Vai’s Views” blog published from time to time for the Desert News. I have enjoyed his insights into pacific islander culture, BYU coaching critiques, temple groundbreakings and even beating Jose Conseco in a boxing match. You can access his blog here; http://www.deseretnews.com/blog/76/Vais-View.html

Last year, Vai wrote about welcoming a new grandson Gabriel, who was born to his son LJ and wife Kaylie who are attending BYU. He posted an incredibly insightful father to son “bucket list” of values that LJ had written upon the birth of his firstborn. I have had the pleasure of meeting LJ a few times, most recently playing a game of touch football with him in a parking lot on the BYU campus last October.

With LJ’s permission, allow me to share a modern day “bucket list” of values from a young first-time father whose wisdom is way,way beyond his years. (My two short personal comments are in parenthesis.)

TO MY SON by LJ Sikahema

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/print/700127431/Musings-and-observations-from-a-first-time-grandparent.html

“When in doubt, wear a tie
Never ask to be taken out of a game
Never take liberties with women
Always meet your date at the door
Keep your hands up. Hit the body. Punch in combinations.
Never hit a woman. Ever. Never let anyone else do it either
Be cool with younger kids. They'll remember it
Don't be a snob
Know the guys your sister dates. They'll need your opinion.
Spend time with your mother
Have a favorite painting
"Courage is not the lack of fear, it is acting in spite of it." — Mark Twain
Hats and sunglasses come off indoors
Know how to drive stick
Don't personalize your license plates
Keep all promises and commitments
Drive across the country
Know the difference between manners and class
Limit the time you spend in California ( Hey LJ, your list is so incredible, I will forgive you for this small mistake!)
Always know the name of your waiter/waitress
To show off and impress are two very different things (My favorite on this list!)
Memorize poetry
Learn a foreign language
Go to museums
Be a good wingman
Play hooky
Don't worry about the grade. Concentrate on the comments in red ink.
Listen to Motown
Know the Bill of Rights
Don't be afraid to walk out of a movie
Collect something
Drink the milk from your cereal
Sewing, cooking, cleaning and gardening are not girly
Chewing gum is appropriate less often than you think
Be an expert at something
Thank your mom often
People watch
Have her home by curfew. Call her later.
It's not enough to know your heritage. Honor it.”

WOW! Our world is in great hands with young fathers like this. Thanks LJ!!!!!

Welcome Marriage Class Sisters!

Hello again!

Jennifer and I enjoyed our time together at the Maple Valley Stake Relief Society Conference held recently. As promised, I have posted the materials you asked for here on my new blog although it is still under construction.

My purpose in starting a blog is to provide a resource for many topics rather than a chronological dialog like most blogs. So I was going to wait until I had posted 4-5 entries on each topic before going online. But we had so many requests after our marriage class regarding our sources that this seemed the best way to distribute the information.

It's funny how one of the most popular comments we receive after our marriage classes is , "I wish our husbands could hear this!" Well, for some reason the opportunity never arises. So maybe this forum can provide a fun way to share these principles with them.

Simply click on the "Marriage is a Party" link on the right side of the home page. We will be posting more items later so we invite you back.

Thanks again. We had a blast and go make your marriage a party!

Favorite Marriage Quotes

FAVORITE QUOTES ON STRENGTHENING MARRIAGE:

A husband is to love his wife with all his heart and cleave unto her and none else (see D&C 42:22–26). President Spencer W. Kimball explained:“The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes pre-eminent in the life of the husband or wife and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse”

To achieve a Christlike love we must overcome the natural man (see Mosiah 3:19), control natural impulses, and even love our enemies (see Matt. 5:44). This is a command that requires a decision.

Too many believe that love is a condition, a feeling that involves 100 percent of the heart, something that happens to you. They disassociate love from the mind and, therefore, from agency. In commanding us to love, the Lord refers to something much deeper than romance—a love that is the most profound form of loyalty. He is teaching us that love is something more than feelings of the heart; it is also a covenant we keep with soul and mind.

President David O. McKay once said, “Too many couples have come to the altar of marriage looking upon the marriage ceremony as the end of courtship instead of the beginning of an eternal courtship.”

Elder Dean Larsen, "I repeatedly encounter the illusion today, especially among younger people, that perfect marriages happen simply if the right two people come together. This is untrue. Marriages don’t succeed automatically. Those who build happy, secure, successful marriages pay the price to do so. They work at it constantly.”

“Baby-sitters are much less expensive than marriage counselors.”

"Marriage itself must be regarded as a sacred covenant before God. A married couple have an obligation not only to each other, but to God. He has promised blessings to those who honor that covenant. . . .President Benson

Returning to the Honeymoon place- “You can return frequently to the honeymoon place, at least in your hearts, to recapture and renew the feelings that led you to marry each other in the first place.” Read the complete article here;
http://lds.org/ensign/1991/01/return-to-the-honeymoon-place?lang=eng

“Marriage is like a tender flower, brethren, and must be nourished constantly with expressions of love and affection.” President Howard W Hunter

1 Cor. 11:11 -Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.

Moses 3:18- And I, the Lord God, said unto mine Only Begotten, that it was not good that the man should be alone; wherefore, I will make an help meet for him.
It is better to be kind than right!

Richard Holzapfel reminded us that we each perceive the world in different ways. We bring our own glasses of gender, personality, intellect and life experience.

David O McKay said there are two classes of people, builders and murmurers.

Neal Maxwell said when things get tough, “Partake of the bitter cup without becoming bitter!”

President Brigham Young said, “If you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, be righteous in the dark.”

Sow a thought, reap an action
Sow an action, reap a habit
Sow a habit, reap a character
Sow a character, reap eternal destiny

A Case For Marriage- Studies confirming married people are happier, healthier, wealthier and safer than singles. Read the complete article here; http://www.psychpage.com/family/library/brwaitgalligher.html

Notes from Merilee Boyack at Time Out for Couples-
1. Who is your confidant?
2. Do you go on a date at least 3 times a month?
3. Have you gone on an overnight date once a year?
4. When did you last buy your spouse a treat?
5. What do you two talk about? Keep conversations about children less than 50%.
6. Fan the Flame-
a. Turn the clock back to courting through appearance ( no leftovers )
b. Talk with not at each other.
c. Compliment and Encourage!
7. We are not meant to be the same. You shouldn't expect or even want a spouse just like you. We are meant to harmonize not sing the same note! Remember it takes two to fit us for heaven.

8. We need to teach our children about husband and wife time. “Kids, it’s time for your mom to turn into a wife.”

What is your Marriage Style?

Stable:
Validating Marriage- Couples compromise often and then calmly work out their problems to mutual satisfaction as they arise. Now you need to know that for many of us that would seem like the style of marriage that we ought to have, but that’s simply not true.

Conflict-avoiding Marriage- Couples agree to disagree by rarely confronting their differences head on. Now this style of marriage doesn’t experience as much intimacy as the others, but it is still a stable style of marriage.

Volatile Marriage- Conflicts erupt, often resulting in passionate disputes, but what
distinguishes this style of marriage from the two unstable styles is that there’s a lot of positive effect.

Unstable:

Hostile-engaged- These couples argue often and hotly. Insults, name calling, criticism, contempt, put-downs, and sarcasm are all a part of their repertoire.

Hostile-detached- “Husband and wife may yell and abuse each other but neither really listens to what the other is saying, nor do they look at each other very much. Such couples are quite detached and emotionally uninvolved, but they get into brief episodes of
attack and defensiveness.”

Tom & Jennifer's Marriage Library

'The Scriptures'-
As we mention in our marriage class, throughout the ages God demonstrates his care for marriage by revealing important truths through his prophets. We can learn that Satan chose to temp Adam and Eve individually, maybe trying to avoid the strength of a unified couple. The apostle Paul taught of the unselfishness expected by God as we participate in marital intimacies. And it is in the scriptures where it is clearly revealed that we must be united man and woman to fit us for heaven. And what about the simple command to love our neighbor as ourselves. My wife is my most important neighbor. It is our thought that all other books should serve only as appendages to the word of God reveled in the scriptures

Current Favorite-

‘Covenant Hearts’
Marriage and the Joy of Human Love
Elder Bruce C. Hafen

We have enjoyed many mentors in our lives. One couple who taught us much very early in our marriage was Cory and Karen Maxwell. I was blessed to serve as a counselor to Bishop Maxwell in a married student ward while attending the University of Utah in the 80’s. Between rearing a young family, working hard as an attorney and accepting a call as a bishop, Cory and his wife were great examples of humility, dedication and righteousness.

Cory left the law firm to follow his love of language and literature and is presently director of publishing for Deseret Book. A few years ago he sent this book he had helped with to Jennifer and me as an unexpected yet much appreciated gift. In his kind note tucked in the cover he said, “I love Elder Hafen’s books- his thoughtfulness, his deep insights, and his carefully-crafted writing. This is a different kind of marriage book (in my mind anyway). We have lots of good books about the importance of communication skills and other practical marriage advice…but I like this book because it takes a look at why marriage is important from a doctrinal standpoint and in terms of its importance to society.”

This volume quickly rose to our favorite. We agree with Elder Hafen that the world has changed the covenant of marriage into nothing more than a contract and as members of the church who should know better, we need to guard against accepting this change. He says, “ (we) marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent. But covenant companions each give 100 percent. Enough to spare. Each gives enough to cover any shortfall by the other. Double coverage. Because their covenant is unqualified, they simply plan on solving their problems together- whatever troubles come, no matter what it is, how long it takes, or what it costs.”

I love that! “Double coverage”. That’s what my wife and I are striving for!

This book feeds our hearts, minds and souls with the eternal principles that create the desire to incorporate all the dos and don’ts found in other marriage books.



'Marriage'
Spencer W. Kimball

Oldie but goody! President Kimball focuses on the danger of selfishness which is always a threat to an eternal union. It is short enough and worth reading over and over again. “Your love, like a flower, must be nourished. There will come a great love and interdependence between you, for your love is a divine one. It is deep, inclusive, comprehensive.”



‘And They Were Not Ashamed’
Strengthening Marriage though Sexual Fulfillment
Laura M. Brotherson

This gospel-centered approach to marital intimacy is not for the faint of heart. It may be a bit graphic yet we think it treats the subject with respect. One of its main purposes is to help those who may have grown up never being taught what a beautiful gift of God sex can be. It has also been the springboard for many good long talks about our own barriers and expectations.

“ Couples must consider the possibility of negative sexual conditioning as well as how spiritually in tune they are when determining what’s okay and what isn’t.”


Our Brent Barlow Collection:

‘Just For Newlyweds’
We love Brother Barlow's analogy for a successful marriage with a tour of temple square. He likens the handcart monument to the work we willfully take on as we enter marriage. Husband, wife and eventually children, all determined to pull their weight and reach their goals. Secondly he suggests the seagull monument represents the miracles that God can send to devour the crickets of trials and tribulations if we stay faithful. Etc.

‘What Husbands Expect of Wives’ and ‘What Wives Expect of Husbands’
Although they are written to help each of us understand each others expectations better, we have enjoyed reviewing the questions posed in his studies to see how each of us may differ from the answers given by the average husband and wife. Fun little books.

‘Dealing with Differences in Marriage’
We like Brother Barlow’s ten Cs of dealing with differences.
Commitment, Communication, Capitulation, Collaboration, Counseling, Caring, Coexistence, Compromise, Confrontation, Christ.


Fatherless America
Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem
David Blankenhorn
Although most may not think a study on the worth of fatherhood belongs in our marriage collection, this best seller is an effective “scared straight” approach to accepting the importance of good husbands and fathers. It explains plainly the dangers of the ever increasing diminishment of fatherhood and the astounding long term affects if we allow the trend to continue.


‘Couplehood’
Paul Reiser, comedian
We had so much fun reading this out loud together. Thoughts like, “ One of the reasons people get married is suntan lotion; you’re going to need help. There are parts of your back that you simply can’t get to by yourself, and quite frankly, no one is going to do it for you who isn’t married to you.”


‘How to Romance the Woman You Love’
Sanna with Miller

Although my wife didn’t give this book to me as a big "hint-hint", I would have been alright with it if she had. No, I saw it one day and bought it. I know women want us men to automatically know what they think, what they want, and what feels good but generally we don’t, so I say, " just tell us!" Be careful, this book is not a church book so I pick and choose what I care to read but it has given me some great ideas like how to pull off successful dates at home, flirting ideas and learning to listen without wanting to “fix” anything. It also has lists of ideas on how to surprise her, write her love notes and new dating ideas.

Being a Righteous Husband and Father

Howard W. Hunter, “Being a Righteous Husband and Father,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, 49

1. Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God

2. A man who holds the priesthood shows perfect moral fidelity to his wife and gives her no reason to doubt his faithfulness.

3. A man who holds the priesthood has reverence for motherhood.

4. A man who holds the priesthood regards the family as ordained of God. Your leadership of the family is your most important and sacred responsibility.

5. A man who holds the priesthood accepts his wife as a partner in the leadership of the home and family with full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating thereto.

6. Keep yourselves above any domineering or unworthy behavior in the tender, intimate relationship between husband and wife. Any man who abuses or demeans his wife physically or spiritually is guilty of grievous sin and in need of sincere and serious repentance.

7. You who hold the priesthood must not be abusive in your relationship with children.

8. You who hold the priesthood have the responsibility, unless disabled, to provide temporal support for your wife and children.

9. A man who holds the priesthood leads his family in Church participation so they will know the gospel and be under the protection of the covenants and ordinances.

Read the entire talk here:
http://lds.org/ensign/1994/11/being-a-righteous-husband-and-father?lang=eng

Background: Funny story!

I find it amazing how often I quote President Howard W Hunter even though his tenure as the prophet and president of the church only lasted one year. His invitation for members to make the temple the center of our worship as well as inviting all to come feast at the table placed before us in the church was unforgettable.

But it’s this talk given in his first General Priesthood Session as a prophet that I strive to live up to. Not only was it a great sermon, but I have a funny story regarding it.

In 1994 I was serving as the bishop in the Edgehill First Ward in the Salt Lake Hillside Stake. Our stake president was a great man and mentor, Paul E. Koelliker. He presently serves as a general authority in the First Quorum of the Seventy. But back in the 90’s he was employed by the church as the Executive Secretary to the Presiding Bishopric. In our many leadership meetings and interviews, he would often share with us the counsel he had heard first hand while working full time with the brethren.

On one such occasion, he told us of attending a devotional where President Hunter shared some invaluable counsel regarding being worthy fathers and priesthood holders. As President Koelliker spoke, I took notes.

A few weeks later, I invited my younger brother Mathew to drive up from BYU and attend general priesthood meeting with me at our stake center. Imagine my surprise when President Hunter gave the talk entitled, “Being a Righteous Husband and Father”.

As soon as he started the list of attributes, I thought, I know these, in fact I have these! So I immediately opened my day planner and found my notes. Sure enough, this was the same list President Koelliker had shared with us earlier.
So I decided to have some fun with by brother.

I leaned over to Matt and whispered, “He is next going to say that we need to have reverence for motherhood”.

No sooner than I said that, President Hunter stated, “A man who holds the priesthood has reverence for motherhood.”

Seeing Matt’s reaction was priceless! Before he could ask me how, I quickly said, “Next he is going to say that the family is ordained by God.”

Sure enough, President Hunter stated, “A man who holds the priesthood regards the family as ordained of God.”

I can’t lie; I was busting my gut watching my brother’s incredulous reaction. I pulled the trick one more time before finally entertaining his question of how I knew what the prophet was going to say before he said it. And then I said something I shouldn’t be proud of.

I told my brother that I had been doing a lot of marital counseling as a bishop and had come up with a list of things I think the Lord expects from priesthood brethren regarding the family. I further told him that through some encouragement from my wife, I had written my thoughts down and had recently submitted them to the church magazines for possible publication.

Matthew was taking the bait hook, line and sinker. It was classic. I know I went too far when I mentioned how surprised I was that my article had drawn the attention of the prophet and furthermore how unbelievable it seemed that he would use it in his talk without so much as mentioning my name or how he came about it.

I unmercifully kept Matt on the hook throughout the meeting. In fact it was only on the way home that I finally came clean because I was laughing so hard I thought we might crash the car.

Stupid? I know.
Borders on blasphemy? Probably.
Hilarious? Definitely!

Acres of Diamonds

A true story made famous and often told by Russell H Conwell, a protestant minister and founder of Temple University in Philadelphia. According to Conwell, Ali Hafed lived in Africa and through a visitor became tremendously excited about looking for diamonds.

Diamonds were already discovered in abundance on the African continent and this farmer got so excited about the idea of millions of dollars worth of diamonds that he sold his farm left his wife and children to head out in search of a better life. He wandered all over the continent, constantly searching for diamonds & wealth, which he never found. Eventually he went completely broke and threw himself into a river and drowned.

Meanwhile, the new owner of Hafed’s farm picked up an unusual looking rock about the size of a country egg and put it on his mantle as a sort of curiosity. A visitor stopped by and in viewing the rock practically went into terminal convulsions. He told the new owner of the farm that the funny looking rock on his mantle was about the biggest diamond that had ever been found. The new owner of the farm said, "Heck, the whole farm is covered with them" - and sure enough it was.

The farm turned out to be the Kimberly Diamond Mine...the richest the world has ever known. The original farmer was literally standing on "Acres of Diamonds" until he sold his farm.

Moral- Don’t look elsewhere for more fulfillment when the treasure is right under our noses.

Elder Nelson's 8 "ates"

Elder Russell M. Nelson- Notes from Maple Valley Stake Conference 10/16/2005

The 8 – ate’s of Marriage
( Acronym= Stuttering Photographer- "C, CAMERAS ")

Cooperate-
Celebrate- Spend Prime time, not leftovers!
Anticipate- flowers
Motivate- Encourage!
Elevate- Time to grow, even on their own.
Radiate- Don’t come home unless you radiate love
Appreciate-
Supplicate- to the Lord in Prayer

Apostolic Blessing:
“Husbands, be kind to your wives.”
Col. 3: 19 - Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

“Wives, love your husbands”