'The Scriptures'-
As we mention in our marriage class, throughout the ages God demonstrates his care for marriage by revealing important truths through his prophets. We can learn that Satan chose to temp Adam and Eve individually, maybe trying to avoid the strength of a unified couple. The apostle Paul taught of the unselfishness expected by God as we participate in marital intimacies. And it is in the scriptures where it is clearly revealed that we must be united man and woman to fit us for heaven. And what about the simple command to love our neighbor as ourselves. My wife is my most important neighbor. It is our thought that all other books should serve only as appendages to the word of God reveled in the scriptures
Current Favorite-
‘Covenant Hearts’
Marriage and the Joy of Human Love
Elder Bruce C. Hafen
We have enjoyed many mentors in our lives. One couple who taught us much very early in our marriage was Cory and Karen Maxwell. I was blessed to serve as a counselor to Bishop Maxwell in a married student ward while attending the University of Utah in the 80’s. Between rearing a young family, working hard as an attorney and accepting a call as a bishop, Cory and his wife were great examples of humility, dedication and righteousness.
Cory left the law firm to follow his love of language and literature and is presently director of publishing for Deseret Book. A few years ago he sent this book he had helped with to Jennifer and me as an unexpected yet much appreciated gift. In his kind note tucked in the cover he said, “I love Elder Hafen’s books- his thoughtfulness, his deep insights, and his carefully-crafted writing. This is a different kind of marriage book (in my mind anyway). We have lots of good books about the importance of communication skills and other practical marriage advice…but I like this book because it takes a look at why marriage is important from a doctrinal standpoint and in terms of its importance to society.”
This volume quickly rose to our favorite. We agree with Elder Hafen that the world has changed the covenant of marriage into nothing more than a contract and as members of the church who should know better, we need to guard against accepting this change. He says, “ (we) marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent. But covenant companions each give 100 percent. Enough to spare. Each gives enough to cover any shortfall by the other. Double coverage. Because their covenant is unqualified, they simply plan on solving their problems together- whatever troubles come, no matter what it is, how long it takes, or what it costs.”
I love that! “Double coverage”. That’s what my wife and I are striving for!
This book feeds our hearts, minds and souls with the eternal principles that create the desire to incorporate all the dos and don’ts found in other marriage books.
'Marriage'
Spencer W. Kimball
Oldie but goody! President Kimball focuses on the danger of selfishness which is always a threat to an eternal union. It is short enough and worth reading over and over again. “Your love, like a flower, must be nourished. There will come a great love and interdependence between you, for your love is a divine one. It is deep, inclusive, comprehensive.”
‘And They Were Not Ashamed’
Strengthening Marriage though Sexual Fulfillment
Laura M. Brotherson
This gospel-centered approach to marital intimacy is not for the faint of heart. It may be a bit graphic yet we think it treats the subject with respect. One of its main purposes is to help those who may have grown up never being taught what a beautiful gift of God sex can be. It has also been the springboard for many good long talks about our own barriers and expectations.
“ Couples must consider the possibility of negative sexual conditioning as well as how spiritually in tune they are when determining what’s okay and what isn’t.”
Our Brent Barlow Collection:
‘Just For Newlyweds’
We love Brother Barlow's analogy for a successful marriage with a tour of temple square. He likens the handcart monument to the work we willfully take on as we enter marriage. Husband, wife and eventually children, all determined to pull their weight and reach their goals. Secondly he suggests the seagull monument represents the miracles that God can send to devour the crickets of trials and tribulations if we stay faithful. Etc.
‘What Husbands Expect of Wives’ and ‘What Wives Expect of Husbands’
Although they are written to help each of us understand each others expectations better, we have enjoyed reviewing the questions posed in his studies to see how each of us may differ from the answers given by the average husband and wife. Fun little books.
‘Dealing with Differences in Marriage’
We like Brother Barlow’s ten Cs of dealing with differences.
Commitment, Communication, Capitulation, Collaboration, Counseling, Caring, Coexistence, Compromise, Confrontation, Christ.
Fatherless America
Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem
David Blankenhorn
Although most may not think a study on the worth of fatherhood belongs in our marriage collection, this best seller is an effective “scared straight” approach to accepting the importance of good husbands and fathers. It explains plainly the dangers of the ever increasing diminishment of fatherhood and the astounding long term affects if we allow the trend to continue.
‘Couplehood’
Paul Reiser, comedian
We had so much fun reading this out loud together. Thoughts like, “ One of the reasons people get married is suntan lotion; you’re going to need help. There are parts of your back that you simply can’t get to by yourself, and quite frankly, no one is going to do it for you who isn’t married to you.”
‘How to Romance the Woman You Love’
Sanna with Miller
Although my wife didn’t give this book to me as a big "hint-hint", I would have been alright with it if she had. No, I saw it one day and bought it. I know women want us men to automatically know what they think, what they want, and what feels good but generally we don’t, so I say, " just tell us!" Be careful, this book is not a church book so I pick and choose what I care to read but it has given me some great ideas like how to pull off successful dates at home, flirting ideas and learning to listen without wanting to “fix” anything. It also has lists of ideas on how to surprise her, write her love notes and new dating ideas.
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