Marital Communication Tool - Lift Lines

Lift Lines- Questions to take your marriage to higher levels

by Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg

Just as ski slopes progress from bunny hills to black diamonds, so conversation starters in marriage range from simple to sizzling. But with greater risk comes greater adventure. So hit the "slopes" with these questions on your next date and watch your relationship take off!

Level 1: Put on those skis

·         What's your favorite hobby?

·         Tell me about the best vacation you ever had.

·         If you won an all-expense-paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you go?

·         When do you feel most glad that you married me?

·         What's the best compliment I could give you?

·         How do you like to be pampered?

·         What are your favorite hymns or choruses? Why are they your favorites?

·         What one question do you want God to answer?

·         What new Thanksgiving or Christmas tradition would you like to start this year?

·         Who are your heroes or people you've looked up to over the years?

·         What really gets on your nerves?

·         Do I touch you enough? In what ways would you like me to physically show my love for you in public?

·         What stresses have you been feeling the last few months?

·         Did your parents pray for you? What did that mean to you?

Level 2: The bunny hill

·         Do you feel that I spend enough of my free time with you? What things cut into our time together?

·         What do you enjoy most about your life? What would you like to change?

·         Describe two of your favorite memories of things we've done together.

·         What types of little gifts would go a long way toward showing you how much I love you?

·         Do you think you spend most of your time doing what you're well suited to do? If not, what needs to change? What would you most enjoy doing on a daily basis?

·         What do you think your spiritual gifts are? How can you work at developing them? How can I help?

·         Tell me again how you became a Christian.

·         What helps you grow closer to Christ? What things interfere with that process?

·         If you could meet anyone in the Bible, whom would it be? Why? What would you ask?

·         How well did your parents communicate?

·         Do I say "I love you" enough? If not, how often should I say it? When?

Level 3: Intermediate slope

·         When you were a teenager, how important to you was being popular?

·         Describe some dream accomplishments for yourself at ages 40, 60, 80.

·         If we were to read a book together, what kind would it be? Why? Should we make that happen?

·         Do you ever feel that I'm critical of you? How can I avoid that?

·         When was the last time you cried? Why?

·         What one thing that I do for you makes you feel truly loved?

·         What are you learning in your times alone with God?

·         What do you think it means to be "called" by God to do something? Have you ever felt that calling?

·         At what times do you feel overwhelmed? What can I do to help?

·         Do I ever give you the silent treatment? If so, how does that make you feel?

·         When we have an argument, does it seem as though I'm really listening to what you say? Or am I more interested in what I have to say?

·         Do you ever sense that I put conditions on my love for you? If so, what are the conditions you feel I place on you?

Level 4: Rough terrain ahead

·         Describe three ways we can enjoy each other more.

·         In what ways do you look forward to growing old together?

·         How can I be a better friend to you?

·         When you try something and fail, how should I respond?

·         What gives you the motivation to get up in the morning?

·         In what areas of your life do you feel most insecure? What can I do to encourage you?

·         What can I do to help you bring out your natural talents and abilities?

·         Are you satisfied with the time we spend together reading the Bible and praying? What can we do together to meet each other's needs in this area?

·         Do you ever have doubts about God's character? About the Bible? How do those doubts affect you?

·         How are we doing in terms of resolving our conflicts? What can we do better?

·         What do you think "marital intimacy" means?

·         In what three ways can I become a better listener?

·         When are times when you especially need my love?

·         Is there any emotional baggage we've brought into this marriage that needs to be unpacked? Would that require professional help, or can we handle it ourselves? In what ways can I help in this process?

Level 5: For experts only

·         What do you think prevents couples from becoming (or staying) best friends?

·         Do you trust me? If not, why not? What can I do to help you trust me more?

·         How can we affair-proof our marriage?

·         Is there anything about life in general or our current circumstances that discourages or disappoints you? What can I do to help turn that around?

·         What are some ways I can help you reach your full potential?

·         In what ways am I encouraging you in your spiritual walk with God? What else could I do?

·         How can we improve our prayer life together? Individually?

·         Do you think we're honoring God in the way we spend, give, and save our money? How could we do better?

·         What things can we do to help our children grow in their faith?

·         Do you ever feel I'm more "at one" with my job, the kids, or a hobby than I am with you? What makes you feel this way? How can I be more "at one" with you?

·         Have I ever broken your heart? If so, when? How could I have handled that situation differently? What can I do to heal that situation?