A Father to Son “Bucket List” aka What do Lowell Bennion, Will Smith and LJ Sikahema have in common?

A Father to Son “Bucket List”.
A.K.A. What do Lowell Bennion, Will Smith & LJ Sikahema have in common?

Although I like the movie ‘The Shining’, I am probably in the minority saying that I'm not a big Jack Nicholson fan. So I never paid much attention to his 2007 film ‘The Bucket List’. However, I am intrigued with the premise of having a list of things one wishes to do and/or places to visit before “kicking the bucket”.

I can’t think of the phrase “kick the bucket” without remembering the 1963 comedy ‘It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World’. My wife always rolls her eyes when I stop on this movie whenever I come across it while TV grazing with the remote in my hand. I have vivid memories of watching this movie in the old Arvada Cinema while a boy growing up in the Denver, Colorado suburb. My mom would drop us off regularly for the Saturday matinee after a quick stop at the drug store to pack our pockets full of Sweet Tarts, a roll of Neccos and a Big Hunk. I was too young to have seen it in ’63, so it must have been re-released years later, probably as the second bill of a double feature. Remember those?

This slapstick comedy about a hidden treasure and a road rally that ensues had a large ensemble cast including Spencer Tracy, Ethel Merman, Jonathan Winters and Peter Faulk to name but a few. In one scene Jimmy Durante dies while leaving a clue. As he expels his final breath he literally “kicks the bucket” that appears at his feet. I don’t know why I thought that was so funny but I have remembered it all these years.

ANYWAY- While looking through my well worn Franklin Day Planner the other day, I came across a copy of what I have referred to as a father to son “Bucket List” of values attributed to Lowell Bennion. Brother Bennion was a Ph.D. and well known educator at the University of Utah. Bennion founded the Institute of Religion at the U, the Teton Valley Boys Ranch and the first food bank and homeless shelters in Utah.

He wrote the following counsel to his sons. A copy was given to me by a member of our stake presidency while Jennifer and I attended a married student ward at the U of U. It’s purpose and simplicity are incredible.

To My Sons by Lowell Bennion
Learn to like what doesn’t cost much

Learn to like reading, conversation and music
Learn to like plain food, plain service and plain cooking
Learn to like fields, trees, brooks, hiking, rowing and climbing hills
Learn to like people even though some of them may be different, different from you
Learn to like work and enjoy the satisfaction of doing your job as well as it can be done
Learn to like the song of birds and the companionship of dogs
Learn to like gardening, puttering around the home and fixing things
Learn to like the sunrise and sunset, the beating of rain on the roof and windows and the gentle fall of snow on a winter day
Learn to keep your wants simple and refuse to be controlled by the likes and dislikes of others.

I appreciate and commend other talented and sensitive fathers who have penned similar counsel to their sons. I remember back in 1997 when Will Smith sampled an earlier R&B love song by Bill Withers and Grover Washington Jr. titled, ‘Just the Two of Us’. Will replaced the love song theme with the relationship between him and his newly born son Trey.

Just the Two of Us by Will Smith-
“Throughout life people will make you mad
Disrespect you and treat you bad
Let God deal with the things they do
Cause hate in your heart will consume you too
Always tell the truth, say your prayers
Hold doors, pull out chairs, easy on the swears
You're living proof that dreams do come true
I love you and I'm here for you”
Easy on the swears, gotta love that one.

One of my favorite BYU football players of all time is Vai Sikahema. Not only was he fast, he was tough. I remember him claiming that his goal in football was to never signal for a fair catch as a kick and punt returner. Seriously, that takes guts! He was the first Tongan to ever play in the NFL and after 7 seasons he remained in Philadelphia as a successful sportscaster, church leader and father. I eagerly look forward to his “Vai’s Views” blog published from time to time for the Desert News. I have enjoyed his insights into pacific islander culture, BYU coaching critiques, temple groundbreakings and even beating Jose Conseco in a boxing match. You can access his blog here; http://www.deseretnews.com/blog/76/Vais-View.html

Last year, Vai wrote about welcoming a new grandson Gabriel, who was born to his son LJ and wife Kaylie who are attending BYU. He posted an incredibly insightful father to son “bucket list” of values that LJ had written upon the birth of his firstborn. I have had the pleasure of meeting LJ a few times, most recently playing a game of touch football with him in a parking lot on the BYU campus last October.

With LJ’s permission, allow me to share a modern day “bucket list” of values from a young first-time father whose wisdom is way,way beyond his years. (My two short personal comments are in parenthesis.)

TO MY SON by LJ Sikahema

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/print/700127431/Musings-and-observations-from-a-first-time-grandparent.html

“When in doubt, wear a tie
Never ask to be taken out of a game
Never take liberties with women
Always meet your date at the door
Keep your hands up. Hit the body. Punch in combinations.
Never hit a woman. Ever. Never let anyone else do it either
Be cool with younger kids. They'll remember it
Don't be a snob
Know the guys your sister dates. They'll need your opinion.
Spend time with your mother
Have a favorite painting
"Courage is not the lack of fear, it is acting in spite of it." — Mark Twain
Hats and sunglasses come off indoors
Know how to drive stick
Don't personalize your license plates
Keep all promises and commitments
Drive across the country
Know the difference between manners and class
Limit the time you spend in California ( Hey LJ, your list is so incredible, I will forgive you for this small mistake!)
Always know the name of your waiter/waitress
To show off and impress are two very different things (My favorite on this list!)
Memorize poetry
Learn a foreign language
Go to museums
Be a good wingman
Play hooky
Don't worry about the grade. Concentrate on the comments in red ink.
Listen to Motown
Know the Bill of Rights
Don't be afraid to walk out of a movie
Collect something
Drink the milk from your cereal
Sewing, cooking, cleaning and gardening are not girly
Chewing gum is appropriate less often than you think
Be an expert at something
Thank your mom often
People watch
Have her home by curfew. Call her later.
It's not enough to know your heritage. Honor it.”

WOW! Our world is in great hands with young fathers like this. Thanks LJ!!!!!